Blue

I'm a little blue today.  There's many factors, I don't want to go too far into it, but I did write a poem tonight about my frustrations...

There is a mountain of laundry on my couch,
Dust bunnies run rampant on my kitchen floor,
Toys are scattered all over the place,
If I look closer, I see so much more!

Trinkets, spills, papers, and cheerios!
Shoes, boxes, wrappers, and clothes!
There's just not enough of me to go around,
I wish I wasn't the only to know.

My flaws come as many, this much is true,
But how down can I get before people can see
That their jeers, sneers, and comments cut like a knife
And swallow me whole, make me hate me?

I try to say to myself every day that
"My baby loves me and misses me so!
She just wants her play-time with mommy!"
And yet here I am, feeling quite low.

I try and I try to make it clear,
Watch her one day and I'll clean end to end!
Still, no offers do I receive,
So I'll deal as always and just try to mend.

I'm just tired..... I am up and running from 4:00am until 10pm every day and it just has me ragged.  It's hard to get help.  It's days like this I wish my mom lived closer to me. :(

I'm going to go to bed now, to hell with the mountain on my couch of clean clothes, at least they're clean!  I have a book to immerse myself into to get away for just a little while (more like a chapter - 5 minutes) before the alarm wakes me at 4am again!

p.s. Tomorrow I am going to a movie without baby, without hubby, and for ME!  Of course it's John's birthday tomorrow, go figure, so now people probably think I'm being rude and selfish not being with him, but TOO BAD!  I have not had a day for myself since I had Emelia, I think I'm due!!!!!